We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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