Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
