I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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