Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I wish you could order shots online.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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