i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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