just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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