Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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