It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
