I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
