I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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