plz talk dirty to me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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