Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
