I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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