well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
