I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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