Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
