I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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