You made me cry and you don't even care
it wasn't lemon gatorade
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
