the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You are the jesus of drinking
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
