I didn't shave. On purpose
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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