Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
