Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
