Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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