So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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