plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
