a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
