I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
