Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
