I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
