We named our party play list daddy issues
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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