Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
