what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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