Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
