oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
