Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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