He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
