Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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