He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
