1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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