I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
