I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
