It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
