first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
