Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
