260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
