plz talk dirty to me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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