White coat. Heels.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
