How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
