I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We are all done wearing pants today
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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