the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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