I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
